With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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