I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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