you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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