Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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