i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
