My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
