Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
