I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can I color on your dick again?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
