I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Still dying that you shit outside
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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