You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
