He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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