Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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