8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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