She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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