I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
