i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
