Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
