I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
