Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
