How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
