If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
