That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
