ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
