My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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