I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
