So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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