id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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