I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
handjob tips. give me some.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
