The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
