Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
