Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
