when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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