don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
