mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
