Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this just has baby written all over it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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