I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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