So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
