Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
