tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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