Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
