Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
