I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
