i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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