If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had to coat check the pizza.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
