Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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