Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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