Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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