apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
