Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
