I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
