We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
